Moving Day

The blog has moved!
Please click here to be forwarded.
www.amandaisapanda.wordpress.com is the new address.
Thanks!

Harvery

It's late. But I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about her. I have been writing this post, in my head and on paper for over a week now. And it's time…

This is Harvery (2006).

I had lost my child from Peru. (She looked just like a china doll.)

I was sad and I wasn't sure if I wanted to pick another child. I had just been disappointed – after 6 months of supporting her, her mother decided it was too difficult to walk her to and from the child development center – and I had bills to pay and a busy life and lots of reasons not to sponsor a child. But I decided to anyways.

I had always had a heart for Haiti. I hoped one day I might be able to go there and see Haiti and visit her. I wrote her my first letter. I think it was a pretty lame one. I wasn't sure what to say or how to talk to a three year old.

She wrote me (actually her mom wrote for her) and told me that she was three years old and had three sisters. She drew me a picture. It was a red circle.

I prayed for her.

The letter writing thing got easier, more natural, it became more of a dialogue. I told her about my life and about how much I loved her and prayed for her. I responded to her questions and asked her questions of my own – what is your favorite game? What do you like to study at school? She answered my questions and told me about her life.

I have been rereading some of her letters - she thanked me for choosing her… repeatedly. I wonder – had no one ever chosen her before. Singled her out and said, "You are special, you are worthy." Perhaps this is one of the most valuable parts of sponsorship.

I got an updated picture. She did not look all that happy. She looked a little hardened. By a hard life? I wondered... Did she enjoy being in Compassion's program?

Then, when I was planning another trip to the Dominican Republic (my heart dies a little every time I am away for more than six months), I decided. It was time to go to Haiti too. I recruited a Dominican friend to go with me. I made plans. I was nervous, but excited. Then, right before we were supposed to depart, the plan started to go South – my friend had a death in the family and couldn't go. We tried to reschedule, no luck. I had to go. She had been told I was coming. I could not disappoint her. I went alone. Well, not really, the Lord went with me. He made a way and provided and kept me safe. And boy, was I in for a treat.

Harvery ran into my arms and I picked her up. She kept rubbing my arm, "Are you real?" Also, "You're white, and that is a bit strange."

In one of her letters, when talking about mother's day and how much she loves her mother and enjoyed celebrating, she asked me, "Do you love your mother? I love you like my mother." I think I was a little nervous to meet her mother, what will she think of that? Will she like me too?

She warmly embraced me. She smiled. She was so sweet and loving to me. Later, as we talked, it became clear that she, too, had read every letter and knew me intimately. "What about that friend, that you visited last year, how is she and how are her three children?" I had to strain to think of who she was referring to; she remembered everything though.

Havery's little sister spent the day with us.

And she captured my heart.

We visited the Compassion child development center (HA-804) and we visited Harvery's home. It was an amazing glimpse into her life. And I got to hold her in my arms. And my heart grew. And if there was any doubt about how real she was to me it had been washed away. She was amazing and I would always love her. She would always be in my heart. And I couldn't wait to see what she would grow into, what she would become.

I am going back.

Not now, because I'm not a trained relief worker and I don't speak Creole (although my rusty French almost allows me to get by a little) and I don't have any medical expertise (I have often wondered why God did not give me one ounce of interest or talent at science.) For now all I can do is give.

But soon.

Because I need to kiss this cheek.

And hug this neck.

And be captivated by this little one again.

And just be with all of them.

And praise God together.

My heart is heavy. It's hard not to be overwhelmed by sadness. It's difficult to wait and wonder. It seems impossible to hold on to hope – it even seems unreasonable and uneducated. But then I realize, God is beyond reason. He is not limited by circumstance or hardship or devastation. He holds the universe in His hands and He sits sovereign on His throne. The Lord Jesus is hope Himself. And He is comfort and joy. And my heart rests in Him.

Oh, P.S., I got another updated picture of Havery shortly after my visit. Even when she is 18 and going to university, I will always remember her like this.

I Really Am Not...

The other day at work a sweet lady who I am friendly and chatty with, but I don’t know super well, sent me an e-mail. She is about 7 months pregnant and this e-mail is about a deal a website is having – you just pay the shipping and they send you one free nursing cover and they are really cute!

I didn’t think much of it because there are like 15 girls pregnant at work (I should probably be afraid to drink the water!) and I had forwarded this woman a birth announcement (of another lady in the office) that I thought was terribly cute (her husband is a graphic designer and made them himself.) But just to be funny, I e-mailed her back and said “Oh no! Do I look pregnant?! :/ ;0)” And then she shoots me a response that says, “I heard that you were…I’m so sorry!!! Are you not?” So I reply, “I am not even married…” and she e-mails me back to apologize profusely and say that she was confused and so sorry and it was not that I looked pregnant but when I sent her that e-mail I must have said something like “I think will appreciate this since you are pregnant too,” she thought the too was me and her not the pregnant girl who’s announcement it was and her.

So I e-mail her back and say, don’t worry, we are having a lot of fun laughing about this… because by then we are rolling on the floor – myself and another girl in my department who has a great sense of humor and the new contractor who sits next to me. Seriously the fun we are having at the thought of… hello – single me , being pregnant, is too funny. I am on the phone with someone, at least trying to hold it together (mind you another employee, not a donor or anything) and my friend is back at her desk relentlessly instant messaging me – “Is it a boy or a girl?” “When are you do?” “Can I be the godmother?” I have to shout over the cubes and through my laughter for her to stop because I can’t even remember why I called this other person.

Um, I think this story does not have an end, but are you entertained yet? Okay, good, that was really the point.

Aussie thoughts on American Consumerism

Allow me to set the stage. I am chatting online with my dear friend from Australia (whom God has amazing placed in my life!) and I tell her that I had a snack earlier because I was at target and they have good popcorn in there. She knows what target is because, believe it or not, there are targets in Australia (funny as that is) but is confused that they have a café. And here is her response…

What the..

So after you try on cheaper jeans because you are not spending $150 on Saba until you've lost weight, you look in the mirror and go nup, I know I'll make myself feel better and grab popcorn

so they still get you to spend in their shop

haaa haaa

Wow

I am speechless at their marketing prowess

Just thought I would share some perspective (and some random entertainment) with you.

Here’s to dreaming of pedicured toes in Australian sand…

A little photo update

Roselor needs a sponsor

Hi all!
I have a packet for a sweet little girl from the same project as my sponsored child (that I just visited) in Haiti. Can you open you heart and your wallet to pay $38 a month to sponsor her?

Here is her info:
Roselor Delca
HA-804-0434
Haiti
Tabarre Child Development Center

Roselor lives with her father and her mother. She is responsible for buying or selling in the market, helping in the kitchen and running errands. Her father is sometimes employed as a laborer and her mother is sometimes employed as a seller in the market. There are 3 children in the family.

For fun, Roselor enjoys playing house and reading. She attends church activities regularly and is in primary school where her performance is average. Please remember Roselor in your prayers. Your love and support will help her to receive the assistance she needs to grow and develop.

I have photos from this project and hope to go back (read: I can deliver presents for you. :) Also, from what I learned in Haiti, Roselor would not have the opportunity to attend school if she were not enrolled in the Compassion program and sponsored by some wonderful person like you!

Please contact me directly or leave a comment if you are interested. Thanks!

falling in love

“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”
- Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

first day back

my favorite quote of my first day back in the office:
"welcome home! i'm sorry..."
-tasha

Trip to Haiti and Visiting Harvery

On Thursday morning a friend dropped me off at the bus station. I bought my ticket and boarded the bus for the much-longer-than-I-thought bus ride from Santo Domingo to Port-au-Prince. I had planned to go with a friend who was not able to go at the last minute do to a death in the family. We had talked about trying to delay the trip, but logistically it was not possible and I felt strongly that I wanted to go ahead since my sponsored child knew I was coming and I could not stand the thought of disappointing her. Jeanot, the Compassion Tours and Visits Specialist in Haiti, agreed to pick me up at the bus station in Port-au-Prince and bring me to the guest house where I was staying. I was a little nervous to go by myself, I would not have planned the trip that way, but felt peace about doing it.

The bus ride was long! About 8 hours. Jeanot brought me to the guest house where I was pleasantly surprised by the wonderful accommodations – I had packed a mosquito net, towel and cocoon (light bedding) just in case. The guest house is managed by Christian missionaries who have lived in Haiti facilitating short-term missions teams for 13 years. I sat on the roof to watch the fireworks display from the American Embassy 4th of July party, which was really just two fireworks before the show blew-up and quickly halted. After that I sat on the hammock talking to God and thinking about the trip and how tomorrow would be. I think I need a hammock at my house! As a sat on the roof, thinking of the day’s activities, I was overjoyed to recount how good God is to me. How he always walks with me and provides for me. His word says “The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him.” Thank you Lord!

Friday we went briefly to the Compassion office so that I could see it, drop off all the gifts I brought, and meet the LDP specialist there. Then we went off to HA-804. This is only my second time to meet a child for the first time, but I could not believe that Harvery was not very shy. She hugged me right away and I picked her up and she kept rubbing my face – partially I think because of my white skin and partially I think because she was realizing that I was real. She was so happy to see me and her mother was elated too. We saw all of the project and talked with the project workers and spent several hours sitting talking all together (me, Jeanot, the project director, Fritzon – my friend’s child, his mother, Harvery, her little sister, and her mother.) Harvery talked to me quite a bit and even sang a song for me. Fritzon asked me about five times when his sponsor was actually coming to see him, which broke my heart! My friend sponsored him because he is in the same project as my little girl so that we could visit together, but I see God’s handiwork in this situation and what a great match it is.

We ended the visit by going to Harvery’s house. The live simply, in a 1 room house that is about 15’ by 20’. I got to pray with the family and give them some groceries and presents that I brought. As we were getting to ready to leave the mother told me that father had called her to ask if I had really come. And Harvery’s little sister grabbed one of the presents off the table and refused to share it, saying “She’s my sponsor too!” I know this visit impacted me and my relationship with my sponsored child, but it also impacted the whole family. I am overwhelmed by God’s goodness and faithfulness.

Worshipping the Lord

(More to come on some of the last week’s activities soon, but I wanted to post some thoughts first…)

On Wednesday I went to see my beloved Eridania, the child I sponsor through Compassion International here in the Dominican Republic. And Thursday I took the long the bus ride from Santo Domingo to Port-au-Prince to see my sponsored child, Harvey, in Haiti for the first time. If you have not been to visit your sponsored-child I cannot express with words how amazing this experience is. You never know how the visit is going to go and how the family and child are going to react to you, but it is always a blessing to see them. Being able to see two in the span of two weeks was a double blessing for which that I am so grateful to the Lord.

There were a million reasons not to go to Haiti – my companions backed-out of the trip and I had to go alone, it was costly, it took a lot of time, I was nervous – there are always plenty of good reasons not to go. But I am so glad I went. I always get emotional on visits and I never want to leave… But these last two visits this week, I was even emotional at the very beginning and sensed that the Lord was very near in this experience. As I held Harvery in my arms, I felt like the Lord was saying, “Amanda, you are worshipping me.” If you do not sponsor a child with Compassion, I encourage you to do so… and if you do, I challenge you to find a way to visit. Let’s all worship the Lord together…

A little update…

I am having a wonderful time in Santo Domingo. It is hot here! The kind of hot where you sweat all day – in the shower, while you’re sleeping, and in the air-conditioning. I had some down time this weekend – I sometimes forget how nice that is! And have spent some time with friends, going to the movies, a concert at a church, out to eat etc. I think my Spanish is picking-up quite nicely. (I take it as a good sign that it is hard for me to switch back and think of a word in English.) Off to visit my sponsored child today…

Llegé

Just a short little post to fill you in… I arrived safely on Thursday night in Santo Domingo. Thank the Lord that I made it through customs alright with my 3 checked suitcases, carry-on (containing four laptops,) and backpack! A friend picked me up from the airport and drove me to the house where I am staying with friends. I am more grateful than words can express for the amazing friends I have here and how wonderful they have been to me. I went in to the Compassion office yesterday to bring all the gifties and to visit with everyone there. It is very hot here, but perhaps not quite as bad as I imagined. It’s nice to be on vacation.

in austin

my plane arrived pretty much on time last night and the fun began!

madalyn picked me up at the airport, we went to several restaurants - one was just too busy and too long of a wait, we sampled at one and finally ate a the third. we explored austin a bit (read we missed several highway exits - oh madalyn, how i love thee!) we stayed up until one in the morning talking and laughing and then watching psych. it is so good for my heart to be with such a good friend again.

more tonight on our adventures in austin.

bad panda and mean kitty reunite

tomorrow i am flying to austin, texas to see madalyn. wohoooooo!

i am not sure what we are going to do, besides eat lots of yummy food and create general havoc everywhere we go :0). there has been talk that i may even see the hideous polka-dot blouse in action and that we may go to a self-serve chips and salsa bar! (i don't think we will make it to any real food after that.)

i can't wait to see you, madalyn!

double-natured

it's more like double-hearted. it suddenly occurs to me that i feel have two like i hearts. except that i don't. i have one - and there is a battle for it.

paul said "for i do not understand my own actions. for i do not do what i want, but i do the very thing i hate." (romans 7:15 esv)

i once heard someone preach that he did not think that we are dual-natured and i think that's just crazy. i want to read my bible and i want to be lazy and watch television. i want to go for a run and i want to sleep in. my flesh wants one thing and my spirit cries out for another.

so which nature wins? i was thinking about this earlier today and how i thought that the answer was to kill the flesh. now, that's a great answer and certainly life and maturity require self-discipline, which requires us to kill our flesh and make hard decisions for our own good. but as i was listening to the onething webcast tonight and worshiping, my heart is convinced that the answer is not to rage a battle against that which i do not want, but rather to fall in love with that which i desire. because love wins over my heart like no battle against anything can.

hunger is a funny thing because we crave that which we consume. so i rest assured that my Jesus loves me and all i need to do is to come before Him. the more i love Him, the less i will love other things, for He is a consuming fire.

psalm 37:4

"delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

what a good word this was from a friend of mine tonight. how easy it is to focus on the desire of my heart and to even seek the blessing of God rather that to seek Him. oh, but my heart says, seek His face! (psalm 27) i don't want the hand of God (despite the amazing blessings that it holds) nearly as much as i want to know Him intimately, to see His face. my heart desires to know Him and i want my delight to be in Him and not the fulfillment of my desires (even those that God has put there.) if He has ordained something, if He has put a desire in my heart, then He will fulfill it in His perfect and holy timing. of this i am sure. and i am content, no i am completely satisfied, to delight in Him.

on the way home

i am in miami airport on my way home right now. unfortunately i will have to change planes again in texas, but at least that way i get home a little earlier. i hear that it is snowing and pretty icy in colorado - i am hoping for a smooth dirve home from denver.

it was really hard to leave the d.r. this time. i already miss it. my flight seems to be slightly delayed, but there is one next door going to santo domingo, maybe i should just jump on that one instead!

sunday at the beach

this morning we went to church at a compassion partner church (they have a project there.) the church service went from about 10am-1pm, but it didn't seem that long. the youth pastor preached from 1 timothy 4:12 (don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.) we took a tour of the project afterwards and spent time hearing the vision of the church pastor and the compassion project director. they have a child survival program and water project and they are in the process building a dental clinic. they are also dreaming of building a medical clinic, pharmacy, and more - they have a clear and beautiful vision impacting their community.

afterwards we drove out to bani to have lunch on the water - literally. we ate lunch on a restaurant that has tables out on the pier over the water and went swimming while they were preparing our food. it was gorgeous!

it's 1am so i am going to stop there for now...

en el pais de mi corazon

i am having a great time here. so much so that i already know it's going to be really hard to leave. oh, but let's not think on that.

today we went to a compassion project so that the new l.d.p. director could get a picture of all of our programs. this project had our sponsorship program, as well as a water project, a child survival program, three different vocational training areas, and it has already sent 3 young people on to l.d.p.! we also did a home visit - an opportunity to visit the home of a sponsored child and meet their family and see how they live. i wish everyone could have the opportunity to see what poverty really looks like up close. i promise that it will change the lenses through which you see life.

i was going to write that today was a bit of a down day, but we still did a lot! thank goodness, though, that i got to take a nap this afternoon. my plans to meet up with a friend of mine fell through, so i went to dinner by myself and am now hanging out in the hotel catching-up on e-mail and such. (i don't really like to have downtime, but i probably need it.) i wanted to walk to dinner, but i knew that because it was dark, it would be dangerous to do so, so i took a taxi. i was very proud of myself for negotiating a lower rate on the way back. (i am not sure if i overpaid or not, but i think i did well for a gringa.)

*note - the internet connection here does not seem to support me posting photos so it will have to wait until i get home - sorry!

l.d.p. celebration!

last night we celebrated the graduation of 7 bright young leaders. these young people grew-up in compassion's sponsorship program and were the first one's to be chosen for compassion's l.d.p. they are going to into careers in engineering, banking, teaching, pastoring and more. one of them is already at moody bible institute getting his masters before he returns to the dominican republic to serve his community.

it was such a joy to be part of the festivities last night. not only were the graduating students there, but also their parents, pastors, mentors, project directors, and many of the compassion staff. also, all the current students were there, about 55, as well as the 30 new students, who have just entered the program and are studying in a l.d.p. academy too. a local congressman gave one of the addresses, as did kléber lora, the country director for compassion, and mike hinckfoot, a vice president of compassion. tony, the student who is at moody, even gave an address by conference. (it was supposed to be a video conference, but the internet failed us and we had to do it by phone.)

i didn't take as many pictures as i had hoped because i was running the computer for the projector. there was a reception afterwards which took until about 12am to break-up. i know there was food and drinks - i never got any, but it looked really good. the evening flew by so quickly and i was very busy talking to people and taking pictures and jumping in to translate where i could.

i am having trouble expressing just what an amazing event this was. to see these young people who have risen-up from poverty and have such an immense passion to serve their communities - what a blessing.